Information+for+Parents

= About your teen's development =


 * Teenagers are biologically wired to respond more strongly to stressful events and experience pleasureable stimuli more intensely. They also do not yet have the full capacity to control their powerful impulses, which makes them drawn to risk-taking behaviours. To help your teenager avoid negative risk-taking behaviours try to get them involved in positive risk-taking activities like rock-climbing, boxing, wrestling, team sports, dancing, photography, acting, Judo, Kung Fu, Tae Kwon Do, etc. Also remember that your teen needs patience, oversight, and guidance from you and other adults during this difficult stage of their life.
 * Sleep is very important for your teen- they need about 9 hours a night. Changes in the teenage brain contribute to changes in the timing of sleep, which explains why they stay up much later than they did as children. Many teens are sleep deprived and sleep deprivation contributes to poor school performance, moodiness, and increases risk-taking behaviour. Educating your teen about the importance of sleep is vital. Other tips include: avoiding caffeine in the evening, not using electronics or talking on the phone for at least an hour before bed time, make sure their rooms are cool, quiet, and dark, help them set a bedtime routine and make sure they go to bed and wake up at the same time every day.
 * Psychological distancing from parents and a desire to be treated in adultlike ways is normal and is thought to be a modern substitute for physical departure from the family which occurs in many nonindustrialized countries and in nonhuman primate species at the time of puberty. However, in Canada and other industrialized countries, teenagers are still financially dependent on their parents and cannot leave the family. Psychological distancing is thought to cause periods of sadness in teenagers. This aspect of development can contribute to a rise in family tension. Talk to your teen about your concerns about their safety, ask them what responsibilities they feel they are ready to handle, listen to your teen and try to include your teen in family decision making and rule setting.
 * Researchers say that having regular family meals helps family members stay connected and communicate better. The more often you have meals together as a family the more likely your teen will develop healthy eating habits.
 * Adolescence is a time of great creativity, energy, and idealism. The key is to try to find ways of challenging these characteristics in positive ways, like getting them involved in a youth group, get them volunteering, get them involved in sports or other healthy activities, get them in an art class or music class, etc.

10 Strategies for Relating to your Teenager

 * 1) **Give them a little bit of leeway.** A little bit of age-appropriate independence is essential for your teen to establish their identity and figuring out their place in the world.
 * 2) ** Choose your battles wisely. ** Things that can harm them or are permanent are important to pay attention to. Things that won't harm them and that are not as important to you are okay to let slide occassionally. Don't nitpick.
 * 3) ** Invite their friends for dinner. ** This shows you have an interest in their lives and gives you a chance to see who your child is hanging out with.
 * 4) ** Decide rules and discipline in advance. ** Let your teenager know what the rules are and what the conseqences will be for disobeying the rules. If your teenager says the rules and consequences are not fair, take the opportunity to discuss what would be fair with them. Most important is to follow through with your consequences.
 * 5) ** Discuss 'checking in'. ** It is important to know where your teen is. Have them call you during the evening to check in. Use discretion depending on how responsible you teen has been in the past.
 * 6) ** Talk to your teen about risks. ** Including drugs, driving, and premarital sex. It is important that they know the worst that could happen.
 * 7) ** Give your teen a game plan. ** Let them know that no matter what if their only option is to get into a vehicle with a drunk driver that they can phone you, no matter what time it is. Brainstorm with your teen about how they can handle potentially unsafe situations so they have solutions that they are comfortable with should those situations arise.
 * 8) ** Keep the door open. ** Act interested in what is going on in their life, but don't interogate. Let them know that it is okay if they don't feel like talking right now but that if they feel like talking later they can come to you.
 * 9) ** Let your teen feel guilty. ** People should feel bad when they have done something wrong or hurt someone.
 * 10) ** Be a role model. ** Your actions are critical in helping your teen adopt good moral and ethical standards.

Stand Firm or Give In?
Click below to access a tool that will help you when you have a tough decision to make regarding your teen.